Intro

Welcome back, fellow survivors. Grab a beverage (extra strong, if you need it) and settle in. We’re diving deep today into the murky, painful reality of living with a narcissist.

For those new to the “Welcome to My Shitshow” community, let me quickly recap: this is a safe space to share our stories, vent our frustrations, and find validation in the chaos that often accompanies a life touched by narcissistic abuse. We’re here for the messy, the raw, the ugly truths that polite society tends to shy away from.

Today, I want to talk about the lingering trauma. The invisible scars that the narcissist leaves behind. It’s not just the obvious stuff – the screaming matches, the gaslighting, the silent treatments. It’s the insidious, subtle erosion of your self-worth, your identity, and your ability to trust your own damn instincts.

Living with a narcissist is like being slowly poisoned. The effects are cumulative. At first, you might just feel a little off. A little confused. You start to question your memory, your perception, even your sanity. “Am I overreacting?” you wonder. “Maybe I’m just too sensitive.”

That’s the gaslighting working its magic. That’s the narcissist rewiring your brain to believe their version of reality, a reality where they are always right, always perfect, and you are always wrong, always flawed.

And then the trauma sets in.

For me, it manifests in a few key ways:

• Hypervigilance: I’m constantly scanning my surroundings for potential threats. I anticipate the worst-case scenario in every situation. I’m always on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. This makes it incredibly difficult to relax and be present in the moment.
• Difficulty Trusting: This one is HUGE. After years of being lied to, manipulated, and betrayed, trusting anyone feels like a monumental risk. I overthink everything, second-guess everyone’s motives, and keep people at arm’s length. Building genuine connections feels almost impossible.
• Imposter Syndrome: The narcissist constantly chipped away at my confidence, making me feel like I was never good enough. Now, even when I achieve something, I feel like a fraud. Like I’m just waiting to be exposed as the incompetent, unworthy person they always told me I was.
• Anxiety and Depression: These two are pretty much constant companions. The constant stress, the fear, the self-doubt, it all takes a toll. Some days, just getting out of bed feels like a victory.
• People-Pleasing and Boundary Issues: This is a classic symptom. After years of trying to appease the narcissist and avoid their wrath, I learned to prioritize their needs above my own. Saying “no” feels terrifying, and I often find myself sacrificing my own well-being to make others happy.

Sound familiar?

If you’re nodding along, know that you are not alone. These are common symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome. And the good news is, you CAN heal. It’s a long and arduous journey, but it’s possible.

Here are a few things that have helped me:

• Therapy: Finding a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse is crucial. They can help you understand what you’ve been through, process your emotions, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
• Setting Boundaries: This is essential for protecting yourself from further harm. Start small and gradually build up your ability to say “no” and enforce your limits.
• Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being. This might include things like exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
• Connecting with Others: Find a support group or connect with other survivors online. Sharing your experiences and hearing that you’re not alone can be incredibly validating and empowering.
• Educating Yourself: The more you understand about narcissistic personality disorder, the better equipped you’ll be to protect yourself and heal from the abuse.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be good days and bad days. There will be setbacks and triggers. But with time, patience, and self-compassion, you can reclaim your life and create a future free from the narcissist’s control.

What about you? What are some of the lingering traumas you’ve experienced after dealing with a narcissist? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let’s support each other on this journey to healing.

Remember, you are not alone. Your feelings are valid. And you are worthy of love, happiness, and a life free from abuse.

Stay strong, shitshow survivors. We’ve got this.